


amare et discordia

by BananaChef



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, Episode: s08e17 Empedocles, F/M, Marriage Proposal, Missing Scene(s), Pregnancy, Season/Series 08, Therapy, mulder goes to the therapist and then actually talks to scully!, they're very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaChef/pseuds/BananaChef
Summary: “I went to my therapist,” he started, wringing his hands together. Scully frowned and set down her tea to grab his hand, smoothing her thumb over the back of it. “I told her how...off I’ve been feeling since I came back. I told her a lot of things. She told me that the only way I can get closure is to talk to you.”“I’m listening.” Scully smoothed some of his hair over in a show of comfort and support, and Mulder lifted her hand up to his lips, ever grateful for her patience.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Kudos: 23





	amare et discordia

He feels...strangely empty. By all rights, Mulder should feel elated—he’s alive, he’s healthy, Scully’s alive, and she’s pregnant. But therein lies the problem. “I just—I feel like I don’t fit into her life anymore. I agreed to be the father of her child but now I don’t even know who the father of her child _is._ And—and I think I feel some sort of guilt? For not being by her side when she needed me.”

Mulder took a breath, and his therapist took the opportunity to speak. “Well, the fact that you can identify what you feel is extremely good. The first step in solving a problem is identifying it, as the saying goes.” She looked down at her notes, flipping to a previous session’s page. “You’ve told me that you’ve always felt this pressure to fill Samantha’s shoes in addition to your own, and from what I’m hearing, this guilt you’re feeling might be aided by your feeling of failure towards your parents.”

He looked up and leaned back on the couch, feeling so much at once. “That makes sense.” Mulder sighed. “I _want_ to be a part of Dana’s life, no matter how she came to conceive that child. I just don’t know how to do that.” He laughed dryly. “A few years ago, we were going to this FBI seminar in Florida on communication, and I told her that we didn’t need it because we already understood each other. I feel like we don’t understand each other anymore, though. We used to mesh together so well, but now...now we’re out of sync. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be.”

Mulder reached for the tissues on the coffee table and blew his nose, using another to soak up his tears.

Mulder’s therapist leaned forward. “My advice is this: talk to Dana. Good communication is the foundation of any strong, lasting relationship. The only way to find closure is to tell her how you feel.” Mulder nodded, rubbing his face with his hands. “And one last thing, Fox: going through the stages of grief is completely normal after what you’ve been through. You lost six months of your life and came back to see how much you’ve missed. Give yourself time. I’d like to see you again in two weeks.”

“Alright.”

Mulder formed a plan and executed it—sort of: he bought Scully a ring, consulting her mother for her ring size and blessing; he wrapped the box and put a bow on it, giving himself time to take in what he was doing; he went over to Scully’s apartment and gave it to her before they had to leave for her Lamaze class. Of course, everything went to shit. According to Scully, she had a partial abruption, but she and the baby were alright. It was a weight off of Mulder’s shoulders, so he allowed himself to relax and embrace the moment. _I’m going to be a father._

He formed a new plan: go to Scully’s apartment; give her the ring, still inside the wrapped box; talk out his feelings; reacquaint himself with her. Mulder was a tried and true atheist, but in the elevator to her apartment, he indulged in a brief plea to God for his plan B to go through without a hitch. He stood in front of the door and took a deep breath before knocking three times.

“Who is it?” came Scully’s muffled voice.

“Elvis,” Mulder replied, unlocking the door with his key and shutting it quietly behind him. “Hi. I ordered pizza, with your favorite toppings.”

“Oh, no...” she pouted, walking over to him with a mug of tea in hand. “I just ate.” She gave him a pitying laugh.

“More for me, then!” He stepped to her side and leaned down to press a kiss to Scully’s head before sitting down on the couch. The gift was right where he left it, unopened. “Come on. I want to talk to you.” Mulder patted the couch next to him, looking over at her.

“What about?” Scully took a sip of her tea and sat to his left, wiggling until she was comfortable.

“I went to my therapist,” he started, wringing his hands together. Scully frowned and set down her tea to grab his hand, smoothing her thumb over the back of it. “I told her how...off I’ve been feeling since I came back. I told her a lot of things. She told me that the only way I can get closure is to talk to you.”

“I’m listening.” Scully smoothed some of his hair over in a show of comfort and support, and Mulder lifted her hand up to his lips, ever grateful for her patience.

“I...I told her that I want to be a part of your life, no matter what—no matter how your child was conceived.”

“Oh, Mulder...” Her eyes became watery and Mulder plowed on, knowing that he had to get it all out.

“I told her that I feel guilty because I wasn’t there when you found out you were pregnant, nor when you had to go through most of this pregnancy by yourself. I told her that we used to be so in-sync, so complementary to each other, but that since I’ve been back, our relationship has been off-kilter. She said it’s normal to go through the stages of grief, since I lost about six months of my life. And I know it’s inevitable that, after what we’ve both been through, we’re not going to be...” He paused, searching for the right words. “...that our relationship’s not going to be the same as it was before. I _want_ —” Mulder’s voice broke and tears flooded his eyes, spilling over onto his cheeks. “—I want things to go back to how they used to be. I want to go back to when we met so I can do things _right_ and protect you as I _swore_ to myself I would. This isn’t the life you or I imagined and I don’t know how to make it _good,_ Dana. I don’t know how to protect you or your child. I don’t know how to be there for you two when I can’t be here for myself.”

“Fox...” Scully murmured, pulling him close until he was lying across the couch, his head nestled between her breasts and abdomen. “Some—um—” She sniffled and wiped her eyes with one hand, her other smoothing his hair in a calming motion. It had been so long since someone held him. “Somehow, when we were together, I ovulated, and we—we created a child. _Our_ child. Our son, Mulder.” Scully took a deep breath before continuing. “What matters is that you’re here now. Life never goes according to plan; the best we can do is work with what we’ve got. And what we’ve got is each other. We’ve got friends and family and knowledge.”

Mulder closed his eyes and brought one hand to Scully’s abdomen, stroking her skin underneath her silk pajama top with infinite delicacy. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“No, but you’ve shown me for years. I’ve always known, Fox. I’ve always known.”

“Well,” he started, sitting up with a small smile on his face, “I love you to infinity and beyond.” Mulder pressed a kiss to her lips as she laughed into it, reciprocating.

“Quoting _Toy Story_ , are we?” Scully teased with a grin, and it looked to Mulder like she was an angel.

“It’s the truth, though. _Toy Story_ just stole my line. I loved you to infinity and beyond before ’95, Scully.” He smiled as someone knocked on the door, which he got up to answer. “That’ll be the pizza guy. Looks like I’ll have to be the bearer of bad news.”

“Shut up, Mulder,” she laughed, and he paid for the pizza, setting it on the coffee table.

“Do you want the leftovers?” he asked, and then laughed, shaking his head. “That’s a stupid question. I’m here more often than not, anyways. If it’s gone tomorrow, though, I’ll know it was you.” Mulder pressed a kiss to Scully’s stomach, reveling in the feeling that things were starting to fall into place for him. “Do you have names picked out?”

“Maybe...” she responded, taking a sip of her tea with an expression on her face that reminded him starkly of when she took him for breakfast after he’d been detained investigating the Jersey Devil, all the way back in ’93.

“Scully...”

“Mulder...” He took a bite of his pizza and chewed, giving her puppy eyes. “No! It’s a surprise. Besides, you already know the sex, which you can’t tell anyone, because that’s also supposed to be a surprise.”

“Alright, alright,” Mulder relented, finishing off his slice in record time.

“Why do you practically inhale your food? Don’t you like to take your time? It’s not even healthy to just shove it all down.”

“You’re just jealous that you have a small mouth and take too long to eat.”

Scully fake-gasped and brought her hand to her heart. “I do _not_!”

“Mmmmmm, I don’t know about that. With all the salads you eat, you just haven’t had practice. When we went out for ribs on a case once, it took you much longer than me to finish yours off, and you spilled sauce on your face that I had to wipe off.” Mulder shoveled another slice into his mouth as Scully laughed, sitting back against the couch.

“I wish I was hungry. You haven’t really seen how fast I eat now, and that pizza looks good...”

“I’m sure it won’t be that long until you’re hungry again. What did you eat before I came over?”

“A sandwich,” Scully replied, hands coming to rest on her stomach. “It was just a snack.”

“You’re adorable. Oh, did you forget about my gift?” Mulder wiped the grease off his fingers and face before reaching for it, where it rested on the table behind the couch.

“Of course I didn’t forget, _Fox._ I was waiting for you so I could open it.” She gave him a smile and proceeded to open it, taking the bow he’d stuck on top and placing it on top of her stomach. When the wrapping paper was carefully peeled away and Scully was finally allowed to open the box, no interruptions this time around, she gasped. “Mulder... How do you know my ring size?”

“I asked your mother. She, um, she gave me her blessing and said she’d help plan... If that’s what you want, of course. I know with everything going on, it might be a lot, and we’ve never been much of a normal couple...” Mulder gave her a nervous smile, wishing he had some sunflower seeds to pop in his mouth to distract himself.

“Oh, Mulder... Yes, my answer is yes!” She grinned at him and put the ring on her finger. It was about the same color as her cross necklace and shaped to look like it was several different lengths of metal in a never-ending circle. Scully cupped his face with her hands and kissed him, tears in her eyes. “I love you so much. So much.”

“I love you, too. You and our son.”

**Author's Note:**

> i know most of you probably know this but Empedocles was a pre-Socrates Greek philosopher who believed that everything was made of fire, wind, earth, and water, and that the forces of love and strife put them together and pulled them apart, respectively. the name of the episode makes a lot of sense after finding that out lol.


End file.
